Major rising,
Major falling,
Minor rising followed by minor falling,
Minor rising followed by major falling,
Major rising followed by minor falling,
Circumflex rising and falling monotone,
All these to be exercised with the vowels.
Religion is decried as a relic of barbarism. Now animals and barbarians also eat as we do. Should we not say on that ground that Eating is a relic of Barbarism?

Being shared by the Savage along with the civilized, religion is something which appeases the hunger and thirst of the Soul and is as essential as food for the body. The articles of food, the way of eating may be changed from time to time, but eating itself can never be given up, nor can anyone of the essentials in food be spared.

* * * * *
What is the greatest riddle?
A: Life, for we all have to give it up.

Safest Banks, best stock, most profitable share?
A: The farmer’s earth banks, live stock and ploughshares.

How can you always have what you please?
A: If you will be pleased with what you have.

What is matter?
A: Never mind. What is mind? No matter.

What man is born with three hands?
A: The man who gets a right hand, a left-hand and a little behind-hand.

I tremble at each breath of air and yet can heaviest burden bear?
A: Water.

What does the worthy man think is more blessed to give than to receive?
A: Kicks, pills and advice.

What common thing is very uncommon?
A: Common sense.

Why are people very generous when they hear a sermon?
A: They give it all away.

Which is the largest room in the world?
A: Room for improvement.

What is it that a king can do and God cannot?
A: A King can banish or deport men of his subjects from his kingdom, God cannot.

What does a man see every day and God never sees?
A: His equal.

What is better than an idea?
A: You dear.

Why does a preacher have an easier time than a Doctor or lawyer?
A: Easier to preach than practise.

What low-born ill-bred fellow has noble blood in him?
A: A flea when it bites lords and ladies.

An Englishman to Abraham Lincoln: What was your family coat of arms?
A: Shirt-sleeves.

This side of the river is “the other side”?
A: That is one side, therefore, this is the other side.
When is the new birth reliable?
A: When the second birth precedes the first one.

What did Adam first plant in the garden of Eden?
A: His foot.

Why are potatoes and corn like the Pharisees?
A: They have eyes and see not, and ears and hear not.

Zeno said, “Motion is impossible.”
A: A body cannot move in the place where it is, for the place is no larger than the body, and it cannot move in another place, because it is not there. Ans. – But it can move out of one place into another.

A cat has nine tails.
A: One cat (I) one tail
No cat (8) eight tails
Therefore, one cat nine tails. Such is the lame logic of Naiyayikas and other-scholastic polemical philosophers of India and Europe.

According to Sidney Smith, how did Adam introduce himself to Eve? Madam, Pm Adam. Napoleon speaks of himself “Able was I ere I saw Elba”

Squaring the circle.


How can you get rid of a caller who doesn’t know when to go?

A: Do as Longfellow used to do; invite them out to see the view from the piazza, after which it is easier to go than to return to the house.

A good-hearted man is more apt to become dissipated than a mean man, because –
A: Sweet things spoil more easily than sour things; and warm things more easily than cold things.

We say: “Strike while the iron is hot.” But what did Cromwell say?
A: Not only strike while the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking. Don’t simply improve a chance when you have it, but make a chance.

Why are newspapers reliable?
A: They lie, then they lie again, or they re lie, and so are reliable.

“Variety is the spice of life.” What, then, is the food of life?
A: Uniformity, regularity, order.

What poet does everybody want?
A: Moore (more).

What is the difference between a soldier and a belle?
A: The one faces the powder and the other powders the face.

What does everybody give and few take?
A: Advice.

What gives a cold, cures the old and pays a doctor?
A: A draught.

Difference between a book and a cat?
A: The one has the claws at the end of the paws; the other has the pause at the end of the clause.

I often murmur but never weep; always lie in bed, but never sleep. My mouth is larger than my head, and much discharges though never fed; I have no feet, yet swiftly run; the more falls I get, move faster on.
A: River

When is it right to lie?
A: When you are in bed.

Is life worth living?
A: It depends on the liver.
Param Brahma Param Dhama
Brahmaivaaham Param padam – Bhagavata

That is the conclusion of Bhagavata. Rather, that is how Bhagavata concludes.

* * * * *
St. Augustine! Well hast thou said,
That of our vices we can frame
A ladder, if we will but tread
Beneath our feet each deed of shame!

* * * * *
The responsibility of caring for himself is a necessary factor in Man’s Evolution. That must not be too long delayed.

Isolation from the world (in Colleges) in order to prepare for the world’s work is folly. You might as well take a boy out of the blacksmith’s shop in order to teach him blacksmithing.

* * * * *
The hands that help are better far than the lips that pray.
The third generation of the Superior class is always impotent under the present state of Civilization.

* * * * *
What the world calls success fevers and enfeebles.

* * * * *
Caste is a Chinese wall that shuts people in as well as out.

* * * * *
Revolution is a surgical operation that ever leaves the roots of the cancer untouched.

* * * * *
Every preacher who preaches hell (or Kali Yuga) is going straight to the hell he preaches.